Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
