the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
