just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
