that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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