Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
