last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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