i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
