The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
