I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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