I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
