I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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