yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
