are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
