dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
