You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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