Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
