Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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