people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
