He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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