they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You ruined the universe
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
