He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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