you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
