How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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