soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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