ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
