and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
