Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
