so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
babies were throwing up all over the place
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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