I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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