hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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