I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
