My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
