he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've blown a few things in my day
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
