Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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