Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
