Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
