my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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