i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
