its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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