It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
