i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
