I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
