Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.