i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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