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if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My pussy is not your playground.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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