What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.