If i come over, it means nothing
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!