It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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