using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
