Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
