After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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