my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
