oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
