what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
