Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
