So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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