stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
