I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
