so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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