how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
