I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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