Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
