So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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