At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
