i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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