i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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