Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
