If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
