Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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