i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
