I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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