No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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