there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
