Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing