Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?